There have been many food products yanked from the shelves that few people will ever miss. Does anyone really long for the days when you could eat purple ketchup? How about celery-flavored Jell-O, breakfast cola, or potato chips that guarantee the shits?
No. Nobody misses those things. But the food graveyard isn’t only packed with such abominations; also buried in the past are a slew of snacks loaded not just with preservatives and trans fat, but also fond childhood memories and addictive additives that I’ve still not gotten out of my system. Ever had the Turtle Pie DTs? It’s not pretty.
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Here are 10 discontinued snacks that would be worth trading your soul to get back.
Bonkers
Imagine Starburst that’s bigger, multi-flavored, and softer – like the consistency of a big chunk of Bubble Yum. That’s a pretty accurate description of Bonkers, which came in all kinds of fruit flavors, as well as chocolate (milk chocolate surrounding dark chocolate – gahhhh). The commercials were also amazing.
Giggles
As a child, nothing inspired quite as much murderous rage in me as that giggly, dumb little kid in the Giggles commercial, and to this day I am still rooting for the big brother to beat him up. The cookies were good though. They were like big chocolate-filled E.L. Fudge cookies with a glob of Oreo creme in the middle – in other words, amazing. This is what it was like eating one.
Pudding Roll-Ups
Considering that Fruit Roll-Ups and Pudding Snacks were essential parts of every kids’ lunch in the ’80s, it only made sense to the combine the two. Right?
Well, I liked them.
Also, that’s Seth Green in the commercial.
Pudding Pops
Okay, so Pudding Roll-Ups weren’t a huge success. I get it. Sticky sheets of dry pudding sold in cellophane wrapping is kind of weird. But Pudding Pops? These things were tastier and creamier than Fudgsicles, and according to Bill Cosby, pudding is apparently some sort of health food that your mom can’t possibly object to.
Turtle Pies
In the late ’80s and early ’90s, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were tied into every imaginable heavily processed food product: cookies, pasta, yogurt, more yogurt, breakfast cereal, and Pizza Crunchabungas, whatever the fuck those were.
Though they looked like huge, deep-fried pickles, Turtle Pies were merely vanilla-flavored Hostess Pudding Pies with a green crust. While the marketing tie-in couldn’t go on forever, the standard vanilla pies are also long-gone from stores. Do kids today just not like pudding?