The world is supposed to end today and all that, and while you should be out repenting, you’re probably sitting in front of your computer instead, alive and bored.

So maybe The Rapture was just a crazy big ol’ scam! Don’t worry, there’s good news: if you’d rather keep this fun feeling of dread and absolute helplessness going, I’ve put together a soundtrack to keep the spirit of The Rapture alive. Listen to these soul-crushing songs and you might be tricked into thinking the world is actually deconstructing, atom by atom, inside of your ears on this somber day… Godspeed.

1. “Jam” by Kim Kardashian – This song exists basically because E!’s Kardashian spin-off “Kourtney & Kim Take New York” was so boring that the producers had to create a plotline that involved Kim being approached by Kanye West to record a song after hearing her sing two lines at the Emmys last year. In fact, the song is so bad that Kim did not make a single cent off it — it went up on iTunes (and, needless to say, people bought it),but the proceeds went to a charity. Thank God.

2. “Bree Bree” by Brokencyde – Brokencyde is a crunkcore music group from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Brokencyde’s name originated from a self-described idea that band members Se7en and Mikl felt fundamentally “broken inside” due to personal relationship problems. Just listen, and your world will self-destruct. (By the way — “bree bree”? It’s the sound a pig makes.)

3. “Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer – I always cringe at “bubblegum tongue” and “this is bound to be a while,” and also, the whole “your body is a wonderland” part. Actually the whole song feels like an uncomfortable meet up with a creepy cousin. (I’m not going to tell you that I kind of like this song, because then you wouldn’t trust me. Onward…)

4. “Higher” by Heidi Montag – Remember this music video? Remember when Spencer and Heidi went to the beach after Heidi got a boob job and he filmed her running around in a bikini, lip-synching to this song? Yep. Rapture worthy.

5. “Cry” by Danielle Staub – It’s just science. Former Real Housewife of New Jersey quits reality television, records a song, and lands a spot on the Rapture Soundtrack. Like duh.

6. “Sneakernight” by Vanessa Hudgens – “Put your sneakas on, put your sneakas on/Basically, what we’re gonna do is dance.” Basically what we’re gonna do is hear this and submit ourselves willingly to death.

7. “Massive Attack” by Nicki Minaj – This song was set to be Nicki Minaj’s mainstream debut. Unfortunately, since the song is actually arrhythmic and impossible to listen to, it didn’t make the Pink Friday tracklist. Try to listen to this song without feeling like the universe is crumbling inside of your ears. Sooo rapture worthy.

8. “We Did it Again” by SWIZZ BEATS, METALLICA, and JA RULE. What-in-the-what-in-the-what-in-the…?!

Happy Doomsday! –Christina Drill