Active Bladder Press, 213 pages, trade paperback, $10.00

Have you ever had the fleeting thought that one of those B movies they show on television in the wee hours of the morning would make a good book? Apparently, Johnny Ostentatious has had that thought, fleshed it out, and then proceeded to write Noir Reunion. Unfortunately, the movies that fill the time slots even infomercials refuse are where they are for a reason. Weak dialogue, shaky plot, predictable characters, and random pop-culture references overshadow this otherwise promising tale of four friends whose misadventure on prom night in 1983 forces them to meet again 20 years later.

While Ostentatious has taken great care to provide each character with an extensive background and clear role in the story, they somehow still seem to be disconnected and, frankly, unlikable. Perhaps it’s the fact that all of the characters fit so nicely into their predetermined positions in the story that makes them so dull. There’s the Everyman, the Girlfriend (or in this case, wife), the Punk with a heart of gold, and the Nerd-turned-CEO. Add in some Hispanic drug dealers and a large, slovenly crooked cop and you’ve got the basic outline of this Noir Reunion. Or, as implied earlier, a flick starring Shannon Tweed and D.B. Sweeney.

Contrary to the portrait I have painted of Mr. Ostentatious’s novel, the man has some talent. Most specifically, his descriptions are what kept me from completely hating this book. The two love scenes in Noir Reunion are so vividly illustrated that it brings the reader to the brink of feeling uncomfortable and voyeuristic. I honestly blushed while reading those passages.

Another surprisingly good little piece comes from the description of a Chicago punk show. In this scene, a bassist named Nick heroically protects an underage girl from the harassment of a brutish “meathead.” I could almost feel the stooped ceiling of the basement show, smell the dirty sweat of the kids, and hear the slapping of punches as Nick defeats the offender in the style of David and Goliath.

The most striking and perhaps best part of the book was the very nice Faulknerian chapter written from the perspective of a wounded seal. It comes and goes so fast that it is likely to be missed by many readers, but it reaffirmed my belief that Ostentatious’s writing has great potential. The chapter is so touching and says so much that its inclusion in Noir Reunion makes the other chapters that much more inferior.

The ending of the book is no better than the rest of it. The plot twist at the end is unpredictable, but only because of its randomness, nonsensicality, and irrelevance to any previous part of the story.

It saddens me that Johnny Ostentatious’s sophomore release from his press, Active Bladder, is just that — sophomoric. Visit his website at www.JohnnyOstentatious.com to see his upcoming writing projects.