Originally published in Verbicide issue #17

There goes that doorbell again. Doing her doorbell jingle and banging something against the door.

“Oliver. It’s me.”

“You can stop saying that every time you come here, you know. You’re the only one who ever comes here.”

“Look. I rented a movie and bought some popcorn. Won’t you let me in?”

I opened the door for her and she rushed in and opened the popcorn box. She took out a bag and opened the microwave.

“This is still in here?”

“I was looking for that.” I grabbed it out of her hands and put it into the kool-aid cabinet. “I’ve been looking for my kool-aid for days. You have no idea. Don’t laugh.”

She didn’t even care. She put the popcorn into the microwave and started microwaving it and went into the living room. She turned the dial on the TV but it didn’t turn on.

“What’s wrong with the TV?”

I was so mad that I didn’t even answer her. I was just thinking about how I had spent the past week looking for all my kool-aid she hid and how she thought that it was funny. She even hid one in the toilet tank.

But seeing her here again trying to get the TV working and thinking about finding the kool-aid in the toilet tank made me happy that she was here.

She looked behind the TV. “Why did you unplug it? And the VCR, too?”

“What did you rent?”

She started plugging in the TV and VCR. “Why did you keep this stuff unplugged?”

She put the movie into the VCR and sat on my couch. “Come on, sit down.” I sat down next to her. “Where’s the remote?”

“There are buttons on the TV and VCR you can push that can do a perfectly fine job.”
“Man, screw all that getting up and down shit. This is America. Where is it?”

“I hid it.”

“Oh, give me a break.” She went into the kitchen and found it in the kool-aid cabinet and came back into the living room. “You’re so predictable.”

She sat down next to me again and turned on the TV and VCR and hit fast forward.

“You rented a porno!”

“Yeah! I never saw one before. Ooh! The popcorn’s done!”

She went into the kitchen and got the popcorn, some kool-aid, and two glasses, and she put them on the table.

“I can’t believe you rented a porno.”

She was opening the bag as she watched it. “Shh. What did he say? I have to rewind it.”

“You don’t need to. I can already tell what the story’s about.”

“How can you tell? Have you seen this before?”

“It’s just this guy coming in to fix the cable and then he’s going to do his thing.”

“How do you know that that’s going to happen?”

“Because that’s how it always happens.”

“So you’ve seen this sort of thing before?”

“No! I mean —” Veronica boxed me in.

“You dirty little boy! You watch pornos!”

“Veronica…”

“Don’t get all upset. It’s okay if you’re into pornos. You don’t have to lie to me. I know how guys are.”

Screw this. I’m getting all upset over nothing. Veronica sat down next to me drinking her kool-aid and eating popcorn.

“Oh man, how does that fit? That’s so gross!”

“You’re gross for renting it.”

“You know that curtained-off area in the video store? That’s where I rented this. I totally walk in there like I’m the goddamned meat inspector and see all these creeps looking at all the pornos and getting all nervous, trying to pretend I’m not there. So I look over this one guy’s shoulder and start reading the plot. I remember, I was like, ‘I rented this one. It’s really good. I read that Hustler magazine gave it four hard-ons.’”

“And you’ve read Hustler?”

“I read it for the articles. So that guy just puts the box back and leaves. So I go over to this other guy, right? Totally creepy-looking guy. And I go, ‘Bringing this home sure does beat bringing a warm body to sleep next to. Yup. Sure does.’ And I saw his face twitch like he was going to cry but he was all ignoring me. I felt kind of bad about that one. But I couldn’t help myself.”

“You cruel bastard.”

“So I’m going up and down the aisles and see this other guy looking at the pornos. So I stand right next to him and take one of the pornos, just a random one, right? And so I start staring at the guy next to me, giving him dirty looks. Boy, he got out of there in a hurry. So before I leave, I just snatch any old porno to rent and I take this other movie called Bambi Bimbo. I got a wicked idea in my head. I go over to the children’s section and take out Bambi and put Bambi Bimbo in there and put Bambi where Bambi Bimbo should’ve been.”

“You’re so wrong. That’s really messed up.”

“So I go to pay for the movie and the guy’s looking at me all funny. So I go, ‘It’s for my little brother. He has cancer. You know, the Make A Wish Foundation, thing?’”

I kept watching the porno. Veronica was laughing at everything while I was thinking never in a million years would I think I’d be okay watching a porno with her.

“Here comes the money shot,” I said. “Ouch. Right in the eye.”

Veronica got up and left my apartment. I heard the door slam shut. I went to the kitchen and opened the door and looked down the hall. I saw Veronica just sitting on the floor against the wall and shaking. That’s weird of her.
—
Kris Sevillena is a writer from New Jersey. He currently lives and teaches in Northern Japan.