Yari Film Group
93 min., dir. by Brett Simon, with Mischa Barton, Reece Thompson, and Bruce Willis

“Assassination of a High School President is the second-best high school film ever made, and it didn’t even get a general release.”

So the words sound like a big acclamation, but then you look into them and you realize the competition it has in that genre: Grease, Bring It On, Mean Girls, American Pie. These are not great movies. One or two might be fun, but they’re not good films. Better contenders include Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Rebel Without a Cause, and The Breakfast Club, which are arguably decent in their own respective ways.

But the big one is Brick, the greatest high school film ever made. There’s something about high school, with its backbiting, scheming, unfair teachers and punishments, cliques, and the proclivity of sex, drugs, and violence that lends itself to noir. And this is reflected in Assassination of a High School President.

Assassination of a High School President is slightly different from Brick: most of it takes place in a high-end private school. The coolest kids are rich enough to know they don’t need good grades to get on in life, so they have the time to indulge their vices and to mess with the nerds — including the lead character, Bobby Funke. The table is set for noir.

Funke (Reece Thompson) defines himself as a writer for the school newspaper, yet he’s never had anything hit the front page — nor even finished a single article. At the film’s inception, he is portrayed as “the lovable loser” — his attempts to be suave fall short; his unfortunate name lends itself to easy mocking and mispronunciation; he can’t drive. Never oblivious to his own shortcomings, Funke tries to hide them nonetheless from his peers and, seemingly, from the audience, immersing the viewers in his world and evoking sympathy for his plight.

In true noir fashion, one central mystery drives the whole film. The SATs have been stolen, and Funke takes it upon himself to track them down. His investigation leads him to blame the student president, yet the answer is not as simple as it seems — a variety of people are blamed and framed, and the corruption and scheming leads Funke and the audience through raging parties, drug pushing, and violence.

Along the way, Funke encounters the temptress Francesca (Mischa Barton), devilishly sexy and cruelly seductive. It seems as though Funke knows better than to be led on by Francesca, yet he allows himself to enjoy the perks that come with being led on: the drinking games at the parties with all the popular kids; the viewer finds it hard to blame him for selling out, in light of his isolated situation before.

By far the greatest plaudits go to Bruce Willis, who plays the intimidating Principal Jared T. Kirkpatrick. Funke’s investigations uncover the true rotten core of the school, and the punishment exacted upon on him is executed in the most frightening manner.

The film keeps the audience in constant suspense as to who is the responsible party for the missing SATs, and I never knew whether Funke would unveil the truth when he found out. The film is well worth the effort to view, and it’s a real shame that it was never given proper release, given its overall quality. Given that Bruce Willis and Mischa Barton are in it, I’m sure it would’ve made a profit. The idiots who go to Cannes looking for the next big thing and passed this over obviously don’t know their ass from their elbow.